"You think it's sad that I'm gonna be alone on my birthday?"
"You don't need anyone and they don't need you. What are you? 31, 32?"
"Your father says 'happy birthday', but he 'can't make it to dinner tonight' because he 'met a young woman and can't stop making love to her,'"
"You can just writ down the messages. Thank you, Heather,"
"John Cooler Meloncap* is playing here Wednesday night and I'd very much like to make love to him,"
"I will see what I can do,"
"From now on you're all named 'Steve',"
"I'm the owner, they don't do oil paintings of people who don't own things, Benjamin,"
"My son is in your office,"
"Your son? You have a son?"
"We're not close. Find him a job, melt the ice. Happy birthday,"
"What are your interests? What are your skills?"
"As for my skills..."
"Okay, well - we've got political conventions, sports, the rodeo... Does any of that interest you at all?"
"I do not know what two of those things are,"
"Remind me again though, what did she do? She-She lit a man on fire?"
"The guy's okay though, right?"
"Well, she did light him on fire so... he's not great,"
"Remember me? This morning I woke up at your place. Alone. Which means you snuck out of your own apartment, and I couldn't find my underwear,"
"Hi, I-I'm Alice, I-I-I'm the marketing directer here,"
"We were seeing other people, remember? Well for me 'other people' is Alonzo. He wants more of a commitment,"
"This is a man, we're talking about, right?"
"Oh, very much so,"
"Hey Alice, will you un-zip me?"
"I dropped a taco in here,"
"Just get out!"
"It's starting to really smell,"
"I just hate when the circus is here, clowns terrify me,"
"Do any of you guys know how to use an axe?"
"I'm ending this with you,"
"Why did you left me go first?"
"Make sure you have a good mix of kids for the photo-op; black, white. The Himalayas are in Asia, right? Get me an Asian kid. Oh, have the Asian child hand me some kind of a trophy!"
"You're right to clap, because these are all very strong ideas,"
"There's an elephant loose in the building,"
"What was that?"
"I think it was the inside of my head,"
"Sometimes it's a real pleasure to work for you,"
"I'm crazy high right now,"
"There's an elephant in the room,"
"Yeah, I know,"
And just a couple of Janney!.gifs:
And a shameless pimp: